The Burping Times

All rights reserved. Ivan Gladding has a copyright on this newspaper (NO COPYING).

Headlines:

Burpgoo City attacked by ninjas

Burpgoo city has been attacked by dangerous Burpanese ninjas saying something about chips being chucked on the floor.

Further reports say that some people don’t believe it’s true. Some say that their loved ones are in hospital because of them.

Who can we believe?

Cheese chickens injure an innocent man

The local ‘Dangerous Animal Zoo’ or DAZ has had an outbreak of Cheese Chickens - Chickens that rapidly and continually fire different types of cheese from their beaks.

An innocent man got whapped in the face with some parmesan and is now in intensive care. DAZ were asked whether they would do anything about the outbreak, and they denied it happening! Instead, they said that they still had them at the zoo.

So now, if you visit the DAZ Cheese chickens area, you will see three cheese chicken soggy cardboard cutouts leaning against the wall. People are advised to stay at home.

Burpgoo gets stuck in the bathroom

Twelve-year-old Blarp has got stuck in his bathroom.

His parents only realised when they returned from work when they heard him crying and burping simultaneously. Builders are working to take the house down.

Things of the week:

TV show of the week:

Carmen Sandiego! This is a show on Netflix about a team of spies trying to defeat VILE, a group of thieves. It’s AWESOME!

Nintendo Game of the week:

Fall Guys! This game is a game of skill. You must compete against sixty other players in an obstacle course game show to be the best bean on the scene!

Book of the week:

The Mysterious Benedict Society! This book is about four clever children working against an evil team of bad guys who want to control the world. It’s a book of mystery, riddles, and excitement!

Sports:

The Burpgoo crisp eating tournament

The Burgoo crisp eating tournament has begun!

Burpgoos must compete with each other to make it through twelve family-sized bags of crisps! Whoever eats the most without barfing wins!!

We Interviewed some of the contestants after they finished the first round, And here is what they said:

Blargel: UUgggrrhh I need a bucket!

Bob: No, No interviews now- ohhhh dear…

Burple: Go… Away… Nooo- Hurrrkk

Blurg: HUUUggghhrr AHuuurrghh - Buuullggghhh!!

More Stories:

Cookies banned from New Burp City

Cookies have been banned from New Burp, and the citizens are very unhappy! There have been reports of bombs being thrown at the president’s house. Now there’s custard EVERYWHERE.

ADVERT:

The New FizzPopp!

It’s the drink You’ll love forever! Only 98% sugar! FizzPopp! Buy it now for £2.99!!